Suspending your expensive shit from a crane. Part 1.
FYI, this will eventually tie-in to the theme from Airwolf.Often times, I find myself looking at things that seem strange and think of what it would be like to apply them to real life.
Take those construction guys who suspend their shit from a crane after the shift is over. Ever drive by construction and see a generator or backhoe hanging in the air? That's what I'm talking about.
I'm not sure if it's more silly to think that someone would steal (or, even funnier, has stolen) a forklift for their own personal use, or perhaps it would be more silly to think of someone suspending their comic book collection or favorite cat every night before they went to bed, just to make sure that no one were to see it on the ground and take it.
I take that back...if you had a comic book collection (still), you'd probably believe in flying criminals, or aliens, or government conspiracies. You'd never keep it up there. Besides, there's plenty of room in your mom's basement.
Then I thought to myself, if I had to suspend ONE thing from a crane every night to make sure it wasn't taken, what would it be? Would it be something tangible? Or should I get all deep and shit and think of something metaphoric to "place on the hook".
I could say "me". Nope. Makes me look like I'm too high on myself. Pun intended.
I could say something like "the key to my heart". Awwwwww.
Fuck that. I'm not that closed off. I love. I hurt. I put myself out there. Don't analyze me. I'm fine.
Perhaps it would be something material. My computer? My TV? My car? Naw. I like all those things, but not enough to not be able to live without them. Shit, I used to have people I didn't even know in my house, and tons of shit could've been taken...didn't seem to worry me much.
Sidenote: That's really a true story. I used to have afterhours in my house EVERY weekend. I didn't know many people, so I invited people I didn't know. It was expensive to fill that many people with booze. To give you an idea of how often random people were at my house, a weekend when I was in Portland, OR was interupted by a phone call from the girl that was going to watch my house. At 4 in the morning. Asking me if it was cool that there were 40 people in my house.
Anyway. Back to the crane.
OK, so nothing really metaphorical. Nothing really tangible. Aha! That's the answer...
Hanging from my crane is...
to be continued...
posted by PJ
2:26 PM
Skeet Shooting
I live in Kansas.We are stereotyped.Most of the time, people are surprised to find that the stereotypes aren't true.However, I can't defend this one.I've made the drive from Wichita to Kansas City many many times. There's really not a lot to see. You could play "I Spy" and be done after the 2nd question. "Uh, I spy, with my little eye...something grey...""the road?""Yup.""OK...I spy, with my little eye...something brown...""Uh, wheat?""Yup.""Uh...now what?"So, when something out of the ordinary comes along, it jumps out at you.Take, for example, the family of folks sitting in the back of their pickup, in a field, skeet shooting. Yup. Had the thing that throws the skeet up in the air and everything.Would've been less disturbing and Deliverance-like if they weren't facing the highway."Oh well, Billy...you waited too long on the skeet and it dropped behind that car...no worries...you got the car."*ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding* <--That's Dueling Banjos. Count he dings. I dare you.Where's a highway patrol car when you need it? Surely they doth protest...Kansas is, like, 80% field, and the one road that cuts through it...you aim at THAT?The good news is, I no longer have any fear of falling asleep on that long-ass, formerly-boring drive.
posted by PJ
2:14 PM
Are you a loser?
Ha ha...I'm cool...how about you?
posted by PJ
12:38 PM
Boobies!
Just a reminder that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and is coming up fast. Ladies, get educated on your self-exams and start looking into mammograms if you haven't yet. If you'd like to look into a free mam, see this guy: 
Our very own Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure is this Saturday. Not that any of you will be in the neighborhood, but here's some info if you're interested.
:)
posted by PJ
7:42 AM
The party's in the kitchen
Another interesting human phenomenon...why is it that, when you have a group over, at some point you all congregate in the kitchen?!If you haven't noticed that, congratulations. Good luck being at someone's house or your own and not noticing that. You're welcome.I'm not sure if it's because you have a sink, so if someone has to puke or pee, and there's a dire need to not have to take a few steps, you're safe.Maybe it's because there's instant access to glassware. Or the fridge. Are we all too fucking lazy to get up from the couch to get another beer?!What's weirder at my house, is that when people are over, if they've been there before, they assume the same spot at the bar/sink/stove that they did the last time. I'm sure there's some psychology to all this that would render me insane if I tried to comprehend it. However, because it's Friday and I'm already think towards the weekend, I think to myself how silly human nature can be.There's your topic. Discuss amongst yourselves.Next week's topics will include:Skeet ShootingSuspending your expensive shit from a craneStudent Drivers in 18-Wheelers
posted by PJ
9:33 AM
The "Donut Rule"
So, most know that Shan and I have known each other for a long time. A ree-hee-HEEly long time. What many DON'T know, is that we were cheerleaders in high school together. Well, technically, we were yell leaders, but the reactions are much more entertaining when we say we were cheerleaders.Our senior year, everyone on the squad had to take turns selling donuts for a fundraiser before school. You have to wake up before God does, pick up the donuts, try not to eat them before you get to school, and sell them for 50 cents each in the lunchroom.After many weeks, it was finally the guys' turn. We got up, met up, and did our due diligence to sell as many donuts as we could.Actually, I'm lying. We didn't give a shit how many donuts we sold. We were still pissed we had to be in the school at 6-fuckin'-30 with food we couldn't eat ourselves.Minutes of minutia and monotony followed, until argueably one of the hottest girls in school came up to "purchase" a donut. You'll see why I put that in quotes in a couple minutes.Sidenote: Shanshu actually took this super hot girl to one of the 800 dances you have each year in high school. Kudos to him for that! However, he was not able to procure the poon, so he must hang his head in shame. Did better than I ever did at that stuff in high school. At least he had the balls to ask her.She says: "Hey guys! Can I get a donut, please?"We say: "Of course! That'll be 50 cents."She says: "Well...you see...I don't have any money on me..."*pause*We think: "How the hell do you not at least have 50 cents on you?"We say: "You know what? That's cool. You can just have the donut."She says: "Thanks, guys! You're the best."We think: "Wow, she's so nice and hot and nice and boobies and hot and drool..."*pause*We say: "You know why we did that, right? We thought, 'hey, maybe if I give her this donut for free, she'll have sex with us.'"We think: "Yup."Thus, the "Donut Rule". Any time, ladies, that you use your vagina or possibility of your vagina to your advantage, it's all part of the "Donut Rule".
posted by PJ
8:57 AM
I think my cat is left-handed.
Have you ever looked at something and said to yourself, “Holy shit. How have I not noticed that before?”
The other morning, I had just ended my peaceful slumber, and as I sat on the edge of the bed, my cat appeared before me. Not like, POOF, there she was after the smoke cleared. More like the “fuck you, I do what I want” walk that cats possess when they enter a room.
After the usual “hey, how are ya” pleasantries, she proceeded to plop on the floor in front of me.
Sidenote: My cat has a HUGE ass. When I say plopped, it’s not a figure of speech. It literally affects your gravity if you’re standing in her vicinity.
More moments passed and after not petting her, she stood back up and walked to me. In the ever-so-charming way that cats say “hey dick! Pay attention to me!”, she placed her left paw on my bare leg.
It was early and I was groggy, but as I stared at her, I thought to myself, “I wonder why she used her LEFT paw. Why not her right?”
I began to think back to other times we had played stupid cat games or simply laid lazy-like on the couch to watch TV. It began to dawn on me that she is absolutely left-side dominant!
If you have a cat, you no-doubt are familiar with the wrap-my-front-paws-around-your-wrist, bite-at-your-hand, and kick-you-with-my-back-paws game. Every time? Left front paw over right front paw.
Creepy.
When we sit on the couch, she always lies on her left side, at least to begin with.
More creepy.
When she goes to clean herself, she always begins with her left side!
Wait. How the fuck do I notice this stuff?
Anyway, the weirdest one was the test I tried this particular morning. I grabbed her right front paw. Not aggressively, just subtly. Nothing but the blank stare of, “uh, what are you doing?”
Then came the left paw. It was like a knee-jerk reaction. She pulled away almost instantly.
May not be much, but all the clues are adding up, if you ask me.
Too bad cats don’t masturbate. Then we’d REALLY know the answer.
posted by PJ
5:29 PM
Back in the proverbial saddle
Wow.While much is still going on, I'm finally back to a less stressfull environment and can get back to posting.Overall, we put together 5 semis worth of water together, with the help of the other stations in the building, and have shipped that off to the folks in the Gulf Coast.Between that and the money we've raised so far, everything seems to be going well around here. We're now on to "Show Us Your Teddies!!", collecting teddy bears for kids affected by the hurricane.Thanks for the comments you've left so far...here's hopin' I haven't lost all of my few readers! :)I've got a TON of notes I've taken over the last couple of weeks, and those will turn into posts for the next couple. Good stuff and musings from the goofy shit I see on a seemingly daily basis.More to come...
posted by PJ
9:47 AM
